Inner Child Healing: What It Is, Why It Matters and How to Start

Many people spend years trying to understand why they keep repeating the same patterns.

You might have stumbled upon this blog after spending years in counselling or therapy, and despite you understanding why these challenges and patterns come up for you, they still continue to come up for you.

Whether that's in business (the ability to make strategic decisions), in your relationships, or maybe you have a sense of imposter syndrome or self-doubt; that fear of not being good enough, or a sense of being "found out" because you don't feel qualified.

That inner critic seems to keep popping up no matter how much personal development work you've done.

Something you may not have covered with your counsellor or therapist, or in the countless self-help books that you've been reading, is how to move from that state of being aware of these feelings and where they come from, to actually taking action to heal the part of you that feels that way.

During my healing work, I often guide people back to reconnect with a part of themselves they've forgotten about, their inner child.

Because it doesn't matter how many weeks, months, or years you spend talking about why something happened, what you need to do is create a safe space to reconnect with the younger version of yourself that's feeling those emotions and deal with them there. 

Whether that's fear, guilt, shame, rejection, or genuinely painful experiences from the past. This is why I've had people come to me who have been working on themselves for years, and then they see radical transformation in just eight weeks.

It's a journey that I too have been on myself, and it's interesting because nowadays, I don't even let people trigger me. Things genuinely go over my head. I have people telling me, "Aren't you annoyed about this?" and I can genuinely say that I'm not, because I've done so much healing work around this and I feel a constant sense of calm.

What is Inner Child Healing?

Inner child healing is a type of emotional and energetic healing that focuses on reconnecting with the younger version of yourself.

Your inner child represents the part of you that experienced life as a child. It holds memories, emotions, beliefs and experiences that helped shape how you see yourself and the world around you.

During inner child work, you create space to connect with this younger version of yourself and explore what they may still be carrying that’s affecting you in adult life. This could include feelings of rejection, abandonment, shame, guilt, fear or self-doubt.

Unlike in therapy, the goal isn't to relive the past and dwell on it, it’s to understand what your inner child needs so healing can take place in the present and you can move on from it.

This isn’t something that miraculously solves itself in just one session, but you can experience small shifts immediately, with the effects compounding for weeks and then months after you have done this work

What Triggers Your Inner Child?

This will be different for everyone.

Sometimes your inner child can be triggered by a major life event, relationship breakdown or traumatic experience.

More often than not though, particularly with ambitious people, business owners and high achievers, it shows up in everyday situations that seem completely unrelated on the surface.

You go into a launch that you meticulously planned and felt really excited about it in the beginning, but a couple of days in, no one has bought, and it starts to make you feel like your cage has been rattled.

You might get negative feedback from someone about your work, and you see it as a personal attack on you as a person

A client might leave because that's how business works. But then, you find yourself in a bit of a shame spiral, wondering if you did something wrong and start comparing yourself to other people in your industry, thinking that they might know something that you don't and that's the reason your client left. Sometimes you might genuinely have a reaction to something that could be likened to a toddler having a tantrum if they don't get their own way. In the moment, you believe you are reacting to the situation right now. But in fact, your inner child experienced a similar feeling when they were growing up, and that's what's being activated when these events happen.

If you were ever shamed for getting things wrong, if you felt like you had to be the person responsible for keeping everyone else happy, if you were ever bullied or shamed about who you really were, these are all old wounds that can be triggered now as a business owner.

Owning a business has so many ups and downs that naturally it will trigger those inner demons more so than they would if you weren't stretching your comfort zone/trying to achieve more.

This is why inner child healing will be your absolute superpower in business, because instead of trying to force yourself into a better mood when things don’t go your way and something has clearly rocked your boat internally, you get to comfort the child and be there for them, be there for their emotions, so that they can process what actually happened and healthily move on. Over time, these old wounds soften. You begin to trust yourself more, speak more kindly to yourself and move through life and business challenges with a greater sense of peace, confidence and self-belief.

Why Inner Child Work Can Be So Powerful

One of the biggest misconceptions around inner child work is that it helps you get rid of emotions.
I get it, you do want to stop feeling anxious, being triggered by others, experiencing imposter syndrome.

But what you need to realise is that the emotion itself isn't the problem, the feeling is actually telling you something, it's showing you what actually needs healing.

The irony is that when we ignore our emotions and push them to one side, we're literally treating our inner child like they were treated when you were younger, which caused the wound in the first place, when what we need to do is re-parent them.

The power of this work is that you no longer have to fight with yourself. 

Instead of judging yourself for feeling a certain way or having emotions, you get curious with yourself as to why you might be feeling that way. You have a bit of an internal conversation with your inner child.

It's likely this is the first time your inner child will feel seen and listened to, so this can feel very emotional at first but by opening up that inner dialogue with them, you create a safe space for their emotions to be seen, heard, and processed so that you and your inner child can move forward from this.

Practically, in your day-to-day life, this will translate to a tonne of benefits.

You’ll be able to make leadership decisions more calmly, won’t judge yourself for delegating things you shouldn't really be doing or calling yourself lazy, you’ll make peace with mistakes and learn they truly do not define you.

You'll start to build a really beautiful relationship with yourself and naturally, you'll attract more success because of that.

What are Some Telltale Signs That Your Inner Child Needs Healing?

Inner child wounds don't always show up in obvious ways. More often than not, they appear in your day-to-day thoughts, behaviours and emotional reactions which is why it’s always good to try and practice pausing before reacting 

You may benefit from inner child healing if:

• You take criticism very personally, even when it's constructive.

• You constantly doubt yourself, despite evidence that you're capable.

• You fear rejection and spend a lot of time worrying about what other people think of you.

• You find yourself people pleasing both personally and in your business

• You struggle to trust yourself and second-guess your decisions.

• You find yourself comparing yourself to other people and wondering what they know that you don't.This might lead to you over investing in courses/coaches that fill the knowledge gap you feel like you have. 

• You feel guilty when you put yourself first or prioritise your own needs.

• You might even struggle to switch off, relax or feel safe doing nothing.

None of these mean that there's anything wrong with you. You can approach them as clues that your inner child is looking for a bit of validation, support, and healing work. Once you become aware of these patterns, you can meet with your inner child and work through any traumas that they might have experienced so that you can fully heal.

How to Get Started Healing Your Inner Child 

If you've been nodding along to pretty much all of this blog post. I just want to reiterate that there is nothing wrong with you. 

Many of the behaviours we struggle with as adults aren't character flaws, It's more of a protective response than anything else. Responses that were created years ago by a younger version of ourselves, who was just trying to feel safe. 

The beautiful thing about inner child healing is that it allows you to reconnect with that younger version of yourself and give them what they may not have received at the time.

Inner child work isn't about becoming somebody new or trying to fix yourself is just creating that relationship with that younger version of yourself in the present day, because all versions of you deserve to feel loved, supported, and safe.

As I often remind people during this work, your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you'll ever have.

If you'd like support with this journey, I'd like to invite you to this work inside the How To Heal Membership.

Inside the membership there are powerful exercises that will help you to connect with yourself and understand what beliefs you may still be carrying and so you can begin the process of releasing old wounds, limiting beliefs, shame, guilt and self-doubt.